Where to Begin
That was my first thought when I decided to start this series. Where to begin in understanding people that it is almost impossible to wrap your mind around. A type of behavior that makes no sense. God states in the Bible that whatever you pretty much dish out you get back in 10-fold. So, when you are treated a certain way you think to yourself “OK what did I do to deserve this and did I do something to warrant this type of behavior from someone”? I learned over a 20-year span the answer is no, sometimes you have done nothing and it is something within that person. It is dark forces at work that have been allowed access to this person way before you were in the picture.
Toxic people are everywhere it is not something we can avoid. We will run into at least a half a dozen or more in our llifetime The key is to know how to deal with these types of people or when to walk away. First, we need to know some characteristics. I am only going to list five.
- Deception – this is something you may notice right away or it might be later on. Deception is how they maneuver to gain your trust. We all have had deception at some point in our lives. But these type of people uses it in every aspect of their lives to get what they want. They will use past relationships: a divorce, a break-up, a friend mistreated them, parents were horrible to them, a boss does not like them, a co-worker makes their life a nightmare. The list goes on. It makes no difference to them how long ago it was it can be only yesterday to 50 years ago. If they can gain sympathy from one incident in their lives they will keep using it. When you grow tired of hearing it they will move on to the next. Toxic people feed off negativity without it, they cannot function. Just think of a vampire that is exactly how these people are. They need to feed to exist. They will latch on to anyone that will accommodate them.
- They are ALWAYS the victim – This continues from number 1. In order to be the victim, they need to deceive others about the situation they are claiming to be a victim of. They will even go as far as being completely clueless and act utterly naive to whatever situation they created. They caused the situation they are in and when confronted they will be the victim.
- They are too eager – Always going out of their way to help. Trust me there is a difference in someone wanting to help and someone being obsessive about it. Relationships take time to build and an emotionally healthy person recognizes that you need space. They are not over bearing and always seeking you out and hounding you about helping. When you do not oblige them they become agitated. Not understanding or appreciating others feelings and their needs is a huge red flag. Someone like this is going above and beyond to prove they are a good person to show you and others how dedicated and sincere that are. But they are selfish and desire nothing than to place themselves above others. This is not only a selfish person but possibly could be a narcissist.
- They DO NOT let go – Some of us on some sort of level have a hard time letting go of things. But there is a certain level that is just unhealthy. When someone has been divorced for 30 or 50 years and they still are surrounding themselves with ex-in-laws at family holidays this is when it becomes far more than unhealthy it becomes down right disturbing. Bad things happen to all of us and we all question with the why’s. We go through the normal process of these emotions and move on. Toxic people do not do this they thrive on the drama, negativity, discourse and the division they cause. They relish on the attention they get from it. They complain, rail and moan about their troubles how life has just been so unfair to them. Deep down they love it, and need it. This is the only way they know how to function they manipulate and maneuver their way through life. So why would they want to even learn how to let go of bad things when it is those things that enable them? If they do they have nothing to manipulate others with. They want others to always feel sorry for them this is the only way they think they can get attention or certain things out of people. They choose to be this way.
- They’re evasive – Normal people are straight forward most are anyway. When asked a direct question they give a direct answer. Not a toxic person. They have so much they are hiding and harboring they do not even know what the truth is anymore. They have so many things they want to remain hidden they remain evasive or act completely clueless. They will happily lie at will and never bat an eye in the process. Whatever they can do to keep what they are doing hidden they will do it. They want to destabilize you get you from level ground. This gives them the advantage. They tilt, twist, and muddle the truth until no one is sure what is going on. This is how they control the situation. This is to keep you from figuring out the wrong in which they have done or are still doing. This is their way of manipulating situations and they will sabotage anyone that gets in their way. They have no regard for anything when they feel that they are going to be exposed. Evasiveness is just the tip of the iceberg they will go much further and it will get far dirtier. If someone is not being direct with you 9 times out of 10 they are hiding something.
When I started writing these devotionals I did not realize how far I was going to have to go. My husband and I dealt with a toxic person for 20 years. 16 of those 20 years they lived with us. These devotionals will at times become very personal and they will become very in-depth. It will not be a short write up every day. It is imperative and important to me to write these. Because the instant that I discovered I had a problem in my home. I scoured the internet read – reread on the problems I was having with my mother-in-law. Even paid for and sent her to see a therapist. Nothing got better and in time it only got worse. A lot of prayers, and having the foundation of Jesus Christ is the only thing that got my husband and me through. I want all that read these devotionals to know only “ONE” thing you are NOT ALONE. I asked at the beginning where do I begin? How about I rephrase that. Where do “WE” begin? First things first the one thing that was never told to me. You are not alone…