Over the past few months, I have felt a wall being built inside of me that I knew was not good. But sometimes you get pushed to the point that even prayers are not easy to speak. The other day I knew I needed to connect with God on a spiritual level it was time to start cleaning house in my soul. I could feel walls in places that did not need to be there. They were being built for protection and God knew that if I continued with placing these walls up it was going to hinder my relationship with him. See, me and God we have been at this for years He knows me better than anyone He knows when it is time for us to have a chat!
The other night I finally felt like I could pray the way I needed to, the way I use to. Over the past year, I could feel my hope fading. This kind of hope is different than the world’s hope. This hope is the hope Christ gave me it is the most precious thing in the world to me. I did not want that part of me to fade because if I lose it I will lose myself.
I walked around my room for a moment and thinking what good will it do. What good God? Then I gently sat on my bed and talked to my Father just like a best friend was sitting in front of me. We talked about all that has happened over the years. He reminded me of my son and husband the two most important people in my life. He reminded me of all that we as a family have been through and how strong we have become together. Strong because of those events in our lives. It is amazing how scripture pops into your head when you are in those moments with God. I looked up and smiled whispered to him…you are listening, and you are speaking back to me. One wall started to crack, and I could feel God removing one stone at a time. He reminded me it is ok to get angry it is not ok to stay angry. Talk to me Shannon, get angry let me help you work through and get rid of it! They hurt you and you have felt the pain of that for too long. Let’s work on this together. Remember when you were born again and you could not breathe? Remember how broken you were? I will not let you become that broken again. I prayed for protection and God that night protected me from those in my past.
I came across the picture above yesterday of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane God was speaking to me at every turn since our talk.
He was reminding me of the day I was born again. I was all alone in my home office. I had hit bottom, I was so hurt by my family that I could not breathe the breath was knocked out of me. I literally screamed and to my knees, I went. I begged God to help me. I begged His Son to come into my life fix what I had been fighting for so long. I did not give up I gave it to God. At that moment, that moment it was like a gentle wind had moved over me. I can never put into words ever what God did to me at that moment. I took a deep breath and thought I can breathe, I CAN BREATHE.
As I learned the Word of God. I learned that Jesus too suffered at the hands of those He loved most. This image stuck out to me it reminded me of when I was saved by God. Most of us have our Gethsemane moment in our life where we like Jesus go to our knees begging God, pray to him and ask is there no other way? What I love about Jesus is how much of an inspiration He is to me. He shows me daily that He overcome and through Him so can we. What hope...WHAT HOPE for us. When we feel like we are losing that hope. Remember this image above of Jesus. We have all been there too and so has He. Reach back to that Gethsemane moment when you accepted Him into your life. Remember God has you ALWAYS in His garden ALWAYS. He will never ever leave you.
Max Lucado said it best. “In the Garden of Eden Adam took a fall. In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus took a stand” He took that stand for you and me. That Garden is a garden full of hope. Never lose the hope you have in Him because He has never lost hope in you.
© Shannon Wendler